Mischief and Control

Saturday, October 30
Today I spent the day carving my pumpkin, watching movies like Hocus Pocus and The Witches of Eastwick. I made popcorn balls and had a grand pre-Halloween day.

Sunday, October 31
HALLOWEEN: How much fun. I spent the day with L, Pook, Suzanne, and Neil. Trick or Treat was fun. It was a good day. We spent time away from the city with our friends in the burbs. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Tuesday November 2
ELECTION DAY: Well I voted and it was pretty uneventful. I was jolly to vote and felt good and even made up my own little voting song on my way to the train. I was filled with hope. Then I ran home to toss my stuff off and headed to he grocery to grab food for L's party. When I arrived she had gone nuts and pretty much purchased half of what I had. She went a little crazy. We did have some great food and Suzanne, Jill, Rachel and Neil soon arrived. We huddled together and watched in delight and then horror as the election results came in. Once it looked like things were at a stand still everyone went home. DAMN OHIO! I of course felt the need to watch at home. I did however take a break to watch Manhunt: The next top male model. I needed some beefcake and considering the fact I now can't get married in 11 states I needed a gay moment. So between beefcake and the election I got to bed around 4am.

Wednesday, November 3
THERE IS NO JOY IN MUDVILLE!

THE ELECTION: There is a dark cloud and it just feels bad! I must say I am not shocked and I do understand that our fellow Americans voted for that man even if they have their own if misguided reasons. The country will not got to hell over night. He has four years to continue his downward spiral of shame.

THE RELEGIOUS THING: I must say this is going to be a thorn for a lot of people. Already I have heard from colleagues, "I just don't get how this could be the deciding factor" I can. Even though some of the "Evangelical" voters may not agree with Bush %100 they will get out to vote against, well, MY WAY OF LIFE! They also will get out to protect all the unborn babies who can't choose. Now having grown up in a Southern Baptist church for 18 years of my life I understand how these issues are truly part of the agenda. Morality is the key to a Christian life. It is what makes you strong. Don't smoke, do drugs, curse, have sex out of marriage. Fear God, respect your parents, go to church, and do the hokie pokie and turn your self about. That's what it's all about! The same way we got out and voted they just simply got out more! (See my October 21 post). I tell you this is again is why I watch TLN and PTL. It wasn't terrorism, health care, and the economy they were warning Christian voters about. It was the supreme court, morality, abortion and gays they were preaching about.

THE GAY THING: Not surprising either. This is about validating a lifestyle that is selfish and sinful. I as a gay man should be able to give up my desires and with God's help live a pure life. This is the problem. They think it's about choice.

Example; I am at Charlie Trotter's and they are only serving fish. It comes to the table beautifully arranged on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes and side of asparagus in a white wine cream sauce. I can look at it and say 'my how beautiful' and respect the choice to serve this but I however don't eat fish. I have had fish once and I must say it was okay but it didn't satisfy me. Plus I had it out of a since of duty. I usually eat steak and everytime I do I feel complete. My mouth waters when I see a great big T-bone! Steak makes me happy, full, and it's what I feel comfortable with. It feels natural. Fish not so much.

The fact is many can't get past the sexual aspect of homosexuality. I have had a girl friend and when together, we kissed, made love (once, nothing against her but once was all I could do) and I gave it the college try. I loved her. She was GREAT, we got one another and we had a blast. Many looked at us as a golden couple. It just didn't feel NATURAL! I could have stayed with her and got married maybe even have kids. When she left for college and we split I wasn't sad my "girlfriend' was leaving I was sad my friend was leaving.

In contrast I meet a man in college most people thought was pretentious and I myself didn't like him that much. One night at a party he made his move. Every nerve in my body came alive. It didn't matter. Then our first kiss. I sat in my car to go home for 20 minutes reeling over the way his stubble felt and his lips and how he touched me. I did not have this same reaction to my "girlfriend". Then we got to know one another and I fell in love. When we did have sex for the first time, I went crazy! We started at 8pm and ended at 6am only because he had to go to work. It was amazing. We then split and the moment I discovered it was over I fell apart. I know what it is to have your heart break. My chest felt like I had split in two. Friends didn't know how to react to me. Until that moment I had only cried that hard at MY MOTHERS FUNERAL! This is what they don't get. That it can be actual love. Not only sex but real emotion. The complete package.

Then there is the term marriage and it being about a man and a woman. Let's set aside marriage and who it "belongs" to. Any of my straight friends can go to Vegas for the weekend and get married. They then have the right to buy a home and adopt a child if they can't conceive. They can get coverage for whomever has the better health plan, make a decision in a case God forbid something happens to the other in the hospital. Then should one die, live uncontested that their belongings stay and they live in their home with the children without fear of someone taking it away. They have rights I will not "automatically' have should I choose to live my life with someone and be "married". I am not asking for anyone to accept my lifestyle I am asking you to respect I should have the same rights as you under the law. GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! I'm not asking to fuck you or if your female your husband! I'm not trying to turn your child gay or tell them it's okay. (Well not unless they come ask me) That is your job. Now if your 21 year old son takes a shining to me and is a hottie. I'm not going to say no but again not my fault!

Then it makes me sad. That parents can turn their back on a child. That friends can turn away because of a simple thing as one person need to love another. That to me is truly unchristian like behavior. That instead of embracing someone for who they are you choose to sit in judgement of their lifestyle. Last time I checked that was God's job. Your job was to lead a Christ-like life.

That's all. I'm done. I got nothing!