Mischief and Control

Hello 39

2008-07-13T02:22:50Z

Thursday, May 15
HELLO 39

I got several texts this morning wishing me a happy birthday and Lorrie leaving me a message of the Happy Birthday song.

Well talk about new beginnings. I got my new tooth today. It didn't take a great deal of time and I had taken a half day so after I got my new tooth I went shopping. I went to the mall I used to work at and found out that The Disney Store was closing. Only 6 weeks to go and they are closing for good. I about shit! I would have been out of a job in a year and would have had to go on unemployment again.

When I got to work they had a cake and later on I got some treats to share with my kids. I had one kid go off on another today! Happy birthday to me. The kid has anger management issues and I took him to my director because he made the comment, "when I get angry I just have to hurt someone." The director took it on and later had a conference with dad. Apparently dad thinks there is nothing wrong and there lies the problem.

Myam called me on my way home and asked if I wanted to go have Indian food. We went to Jeet and she went home early because she was tired and had a long day. I called Sam and she asked me to come hang out. tayed the night at Sam and Tanners.

Friday, May 16
Sam and I got up and had breakfast this morning at Panera. I went with Sam to get her haircut and we found out that the salon was closing. Sam, Myam and I get our hair cut by the same gal. The sad thing is they are not announcing it and the doors were closing the next day.

The Ulrich's and Wanzers came and also Lorrie and Pook to celebrate my birthday. L only stayed a while and the we all played poker until we decided to quit and watch Pee Wee's Big Adventure which I had never seen.

Saturday, May 17
I went to Myam and Sam's pedicure and Myam gave me my gift of a pedicure. We then went to Friendly's for lunch and later headed over to the Ullrich's to start planning our camping trip for Memorial Day weekend. We all just sat around and began talking about the Lord of the Rings Musical that is playing in London. I said hey we should do a musical of The Princess Bride The Musical and later found out they had tried to but it never got off the ground.

Sunday, May 18
This morning went to go shop for camping and then hooked up the Thompsons and Myam to go see the Dayton Dragons play. They had these inflatable charcters that would come out called the Zooberstars. They were based on famous sports stars but were animals like Harry Canary and Makril Jordon. Later on we went to Lorrie's for some food.

Thursday, May 22
Tonight we all hooked up to practice pack at Uhrich's and make sure we could fit everything into two cars.

Friday, May 23
Got up and finished packing to leave for Chilcothe. The gals and I went up early and the boys waited for Tanner to get off work. We got there and set up camp. It was beautiful. It was secluded enough that we felt we had privacy. We set up and got a fire started and the boys got there just in time to cook dinner. We all brought our own meat and had potatoes and corn.

Saturday, May 24
Got up and had our German breakfast. It was so cold the night before Jenny and I went into town to get sleeping bags and blankets. Tonight was burger night and more of the same.

Sunday, May 25
Today we took a hike in the woods. I about died trying to go up the hill. I am so out of shape and have been. I really want to work on it so next year I have no problem going up that hill. Sam dared me to out drink her tonight so we pounded several beers between the two of us.

Monday, May 26
Got up and had pancakes with fried apples that I made and everyone loved. Today we head back and I don't want to go. It is so nice and relaxing. We all went home and cleaned up later we met Myam for dinner at BD's and went to go see Indiana Jones.

Tuesday, May 27
Day off hang at home chilling and cleaning

Thursday, May 29
Lorrie invited me to Pook's graduation from kindergarten. I went and Pat, Morgan, Bill and Lorrie and I went to a cute ceremony. They gave each child a flower and announced what they will do this summer and what they want to be. Pook said he would be playing games and that he wanted to be a babysitter. Afterwards we went to Frisch's for dinner and ice cream.

Friday, May 30
I hooked up after work with Sam, the Uhrich's and Wanzer's at BW3's for beer and food. We then went to hang at the Thompson's and play Rock band.

Saturday, May 31
Myam and I went to se Beth at Canal street. Her band was playing. It was nice to see her. I miss he bunches and wish we could hang out more. We were watching the girl who played before them and Beth just had her held on my shoulder. Again I miss hanging with that girl.

Sunday, June 1
Today I drove Bill to Columbus for Lorrie. She was stuck in Boston due to weather and Bill had now way to get to the airport. Pook and I headed back and went to Myam's pool for the day. Later we hooked up at Adobe Grill with Lorrie and Morgan for dinner.

Monday, June 2
We found out that Sam's granny died today.

Saturday, June 7
Myam and I went to Sex and the City today and then went back to Myam's to hang out.

Sunday, June 8
Another day at Myam's pool and then went to see Sex and the City with Sam this time.

Really, you think?

2008-06-20T01:13:45Z

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7464462.stm

Ouch!

2008-04-07T23:40:47Z

Had a root canal today! Go back in three weeks for cap. $2,000

Long week...

2008-03-29T00:57:49Z

Well the kids have had a break and for the most part I can't complain. I love the kids and I enjoy working with them. As I have posted I have had a few complications and today was not different. I had one girl (Caucasian) call another brownie (African American) and then tell her the plight of "colored people" as the (African American) girl cried. Needless to say I was once again in Marlin's office. Maybe the pull of the full moon lasted longer than the three days.

I am exhausted and will just stay in tonight. S's grandma has taken a turn for the worse and she is flying to Arizona to see her. She is 85 and has had a hip surgery. The nurse asked S's aunt if she had told her mother it was okay for her to go. When her aunt told her grandma this she responded. "I am not okay with that. I'm not ready to go!"

I don't know if I am getting a cold or the weather and sinuses are getting to me but I have a runny nose and I have a huge hole in my tooth that is now starting to ache. Not having dental sucks and I don't think I can wait until the government sends me that pay off check they are sending everyone. I may have to tap the old bank of dad and that bites my ass. I hate that I am almost 40 and I need daddy to help me. ARGH!

Spring is coming...

2008-03-17T00:31:09Z

JD
I talked to JD last weekend and he was his usual self. He gave me the riot act for not calling and he is now back in LA. He has filmed 2 pilot episodes and is waiting to see what happens with those. He is thinking he may want of shift focus to film editing and let acting go. He then emailed me on Sunday and sent me a Judy Garland song that has never been released that felt very personal to him. This is one thing I always loved about JD. He never was a Judy fan I was but all these years remembers that and now has even joined this online web group so he can find this music. I know he is feeling lonely and even said to me in the email. "My heart needs the people who're the dearest to me." I called Myam and talked it out with her. I have let go of so many things when it comes to JD but it can still be hard from time to time.

Online Dating
On that note…I have received to emails from guys on Match and Chemistry about dating and they seem pretty good candidates. I still keep thinking am I ready and then I think maybe not. Jesus if I am not ready now will I ever be? I don't know it is the one thing in my life I am always unsure about.

Work
Work has been very funny this week. A few of us are toying around with the Weight Watchers idea. We can all feel spring approaching and are ready to get rid of our winter weight.

In own of the classes I do breaks for three girls decided to play princess. One was Cinderella, one was Tinkerbell and the final one was Sparkly Princess. They all dressed up in dresses and then one little boy came over and looked upset and I said you can be Prince Peter if you like and he then went to go get a dress and asked me to put in on and I asked what princess he was and he said Sleeping Beauty. I thought alright then and I pretended to be the driver of the coach taking them all to the ball. It was priceless.

With the blizzard there is still some snow left on the ground and today I decided to have a snowball fight with my class. At first they were pounding me and I was drenched. When we went in for snack but after snack I grabbed a bucket and a piece of cardboard and overtook their fort on the big toy and they were pissed. I would look at one and then throw the snowball to the side and hit another. They never saw it coming. It was funny.

Saturday
Went with M and S to get pedicures and while there John who does their nails mentioned that he always hears us talk about going to dinner and usually goes of and eats alone. We all gasped and insisted he come with. After we were done we went to Dewey's Pizza in Dayton and it was REALLY good and then to Coldstone for some ice cream. John is so funny. He is your typical gay guy. Very out and it was funny because a little girl sitting across from us kept imitating him. She was very fascinated by him.

We went to S and T's for a while then M drove us home and I stayed at her place talking until 1am.

Sunday
Ikea has opened and we managed to make a day of it. We had Chipolte for lunch to get our energy up and off to the craziness that is Ikea. It was crowded but not as crowded as it was probably yesterday or the day it opened. S and M were amazed by the stuff and the funniest thing happened. M saw a guy she has slept with and she went into flight mode. She grabbed S and told her in her panic who it was and that she couldn't let him see her looking like crap. So S and I went to check him out and he was pretty good looking. We spent the rest of our time ducking and weaving trying not to run into him.

Ikea is everything I remembered it to be and had to stop myself from buying 400 lamps. I am glad it is close because I do want to get shelving for my office and cover my walls floor to ceiling with book shelves. Plus I can get stuff for my crafts room and spare upstairs bedroom for dirt cheap now. SWEET!

Dad
Dad turned 69 on Feb. 24 and due to snow and timing I hadn't given him his card so I went up to the house on Saturday to give tit to him. He and I are having dinner on Friday. We kept calling each other and saying we should hook up for dinner for about a month now. So it is finally set. I think he is really going to retire this year. I am glad. With all the snow and him being the one to go clear it off at work (he is the supervisor for the janitorial staff at the middle school) I worry about him on snow days. Like I mentioned last week but he is doing really well.

Snow, Snow, Snow...

2008-03-08T20:45:16Z

SNOW
The saying is that when it rains it pours. Does that apply to snow? We have had a bunch and I am ready for spring! Yesterday I go out of work at 12 and the roads were already crap. I then couldn’t get a hold of dad and was worried beyond belief but he called about 2:30 when he got home. The kids got out at 12:45 and he couldn’t leave until about 2:00 but he got home safe. We luckily don’t make up snow days so we just get paid time off. NICE! I just stayed home yesterday and chilled at home. This morning I plan to do the same and later Myam and I may try to escape our homes.

WORK
I had a dream (not the MLK type but a real one) that I was at the school and I was with some preschool kids in the Butterfly room. A man in his 40s walked in and sat down in the middle of the room as I went to ask who he was he pulled out a shotgun and began to load it slowly and methodically. He didn’t say a word and I looked at him and said “I will be leaving now.” He just kept on with his loading and I went to the door and asked the 8 children to please line up at the door. 6 immediately came to my side but two continued to play. The man sat calmly and didn’t move. I asked the 2 children to come now to the door and neither one responded. In that moment the man got up and stood there. In my mind I had to decide turn and leave with ones I have or risk them all. I took the kids down the hall as my heart beat out my chest and which felt like it was shattering anyway because I made the choice to leave the 2 behind. I didn’t look back to see if the man was following I just lead the kids down the hall to my Director’s office. I got to her door and she was in conversation and I began to yell “LOCK DOWN.” No words came out I was silent. She just looked at me with a puzzled look and I continued to shout with no words coming out. It was then when I woke up my heart was pounding and tears were in my eyes. My first response was to call my Director but I realized it was 4am and I was in my bed. It took me a half hour to get back to sleep.

I do have to say work has been good. I rewarded my kids with a special treat because they have been on better behavior. We had a party for Ms. Jean and Ms. Cokie this week because they both finished their radiation treatments. So I am not sure what the dream was about.

PAT AND FRANK
I went to see Pat and Frank on Thursday and it was good to hang out and chat with them. Pat of course made a great meal. Frank was having trouble just making it from down stairs to the kitchen. He has lost a lot of weight and is on oxygen. You can see the same energetic man but he just doesn’t have the battery power. We had really good conversation (as we usually do) and I realized tonight how much of Frank there was in Kim. I always saw Pat in her but never Frank, until tonight.

After dinner he had to lie down and put a heating pad on his back. His muscles are weak and breaking down. As he lay there he would interject a Frank like comment as Pat and I took on the bulk of the conversation. Pat and I were talking about my kids and I was telling her about this display I was doing on St. Patrick and I had for fun pictures of famous Patrick’s to post up on the wall. Like Patrick Henry, Patrick Dempsey and Patrick Star (Spongebob’s starfish buddy). I looked over at Frank and his hands were in constant motion, as if he were trying to think and random words kept coming out of his mouth. It made me flash back to when Kim had been awake for three days and was just regurgitating words. No Frank is coherent but and no where near what Kim was but it made me go back there. He finally blurted out “Cleburne”. He told me then of Patrick Cleburne who was an Irish Civil War Major General. He then told Pat to go find his Civil War encyclopedia.

Later on as Frank rested Pat and I talked. She has been wanting me to come get some furniture for a while. I thought it was a small love seat and some end tables but no. It is also a beautiful antique sideboard and vanity. I asked her if she was sure she wanted to get ride of them and she said yes. She is looking to make changes and that is a big deal because she hates change a lot. She said she would rather the go some place she know someone would love to have them. She then added “You can paint, or sell them if you like because I am not one those people who comes over and looks for what I gave to see if it is out.” I would want to pass them on like she did. I love them and I am so honored to have them go into my home.

I left about 11:30 and on my way home had a good cry over nothing and everything. I feel so much for Pat and I am not saying Frank will be gone tomorrow but it is hard right now.

ONLINE POKER
I have become addicted to online poker. I play it all the time and I am so glad it is play money. You start out at 1000 chips and I have won up to 25,000 and now am back down to only 5,000. If that was real money I would be cashing out but since it is play I will let it ride.

TV
I have to say I don’t know if I agree with the winner I Project Runway. Survivor is cracking me up with all the power players getting voted off. I really like Eli Stone. American Idol I don’t have a clear front runner but I am glad the voting has gone the way it has and I want Chickezie gone.

BOOKS
I just bought new books to read, Friday Night Knitting Club and A New Earth

POLITICS
Hillary won Ohio and Texas. WOW!

All in all it has been a good week. It has been a very emotional week with the dream and the visit with Pat and Frank.

What the February...

2008-03-04T00:35:18Z

Saturday, February 2
Myam called me to see if I wanted to go downtown to watch Chris play poker. I thought what the hell. I will have a few beers and watch other people play it will be fun. We got there and it was a nice run of the mill bar downtown. They were holding the poker tournament upstairs in the private room. We got settled in and the guy in charge said we could buy in if we liked. Now poker with friends at someone’s house is one thing but with strangers. Plus we couldn’t all be at the same table. After about 30 minutes of debate we bought in. It was $20 to buy in and prizes were awarded to the top 5 players. Top prize was around $400 bucks. Chris and I lucked out and sat at the same table. I was seated across from a very metro sexual who at one point during the game turned to the woman next to him and asked if her purse was a Gucci. Then proceeded to back peddle and say “Oh, my girlfriend and I were looking at tons of those on vacation.” Maybe not so much metro as homo. I was the first of our crew to go out but I make it to #27 of 48 and Chris made it to about #23. Heather however made it all the way to #6. She was just shy of getting a cash prized. The best however was watching her flirt with this really cute man at her table and he was totally flirting back. It was good for her since she and her current man are on the outs. We went back to Heather’s after the game and talked until 2 am.

Sunday, February 03
Superbowl game at Josh and Jenny’s and we watched the game and played electronic monopoly. It was a blast. You swipe your credit card and it will take money out or put it in. No bills to count. FUN! They said they got an email from Scott and Tracey. Apparently all is well in WI or MI, wherever the hell they went. LOL.

Friday, February 8
Today I went to have lunch at Peaches with Kate. She is one of our new teachers and she is having some trouble fitting in. So we went and chatted about things.

Saturday, February 9
So Josh wanted to go to Red Lobster for his birthday. So we all went and I must say after eating REALLY good seafood in Chicago, well need I say anymore.

Saturday, February 16
Marlin asked if I would like to finish the walls of my room at school and she and I got up and got my room done. She brought in the most wonderful thing in the world. Panera has cinnamon crunch bagels and with some hazelnut cream cheese they are to die for.

Later I went with Myam to here pedicure and after hooked up with Sam and went to Christopher’s to eat. We then headed to Meijer’s and I finally bought my DS Lite. I got a pink one because that was the only color they had and I have wanted one for about 2 months.

Sunday, February 17
Myam and I met up with Chris and the Yellow Springs crowd for brunch at the Winds. It was so good and nice. I ran into one of the kids at the center and I have to say I sometimes don’t get it. His mom was sitting at the table and gave him a sugar cube the size of a golf ball to suck on before dinner. I thought to myself “Wow give him 10 minutes and he will be of the wall.” Sure enough in about 10 minutes he was taking his toys and banging them on everything and everyone.

I then went of and went shopping for clothes which I hadn’t done in a long time. I got several things and I must say it felt good.

Monday, February 18
President’s Day
Sam and I decided to head out to see what kind of President’s day sales were on so we headed to the Dayton Mall. We first went to Target then Joann’s and finally the Mall. As we pulled into the mall a huge Snow Storm hit and was gone in about 20 minutes. I then had to drive home and it took me an hour to get home due to ice. Several cars were off the road and when I got to right before my exit it became a huge parking lot and people kept sliding into one another trying to get past each other on the ice. Not a fun time.

Friday, February 22
Well thanks to the snow we got a SNOW DAY! I however am sick as a dog and I slept until 4pm. Yeah!

Saturday, February 23
I felt much better this afternoon so what am I going to do after being sick. I am going to girl’s night at Jenny’s and I am making margaritas. We had about 2 pitchers and played with Jenny’s new puppy and sand the new American Idol Karaoke with some Guitar Hero thrown in the mix.

Sunday, February 24
OSCAR DAY
I got up this morning and watched La Vie en Rose. OMG! I thought she was amazing! Then Myam called and we decided to go se No Country for Old Men and boy was that disturbing. Later on I sat and watched the Oscars.

Tuesday February 25
Today is Katy’s birthday so we went to Sake for dinner. I decided to only do sushi this time because when I went for Sam’s birthday I had sushi and a steak dish and was sick. Sushi only thanks.

Friday, February 29
Game night at Sam and Tanner’s with Josh, Jenny and Myam. We played monopoly.

Saturday, March 1
LUCAS’ Birthday!

Joddie Lowe is in town and hooked up with Sam and me at the Dayton mall. We walked around and chatted and then went to have some food at the Indian restaurant across the way. Joddie informed that J.D. (my ex) was still in love with me and mentioned as much and wanting to have children together to her. This made my a little crazy. A few weeks ago he sent me an email with a song attached again. The first song he sent was “You’ll Never Know” by Barbara Streisand. This one was “I Won’t Last a Day Without You”. REALLY? I must say it makes me sad because I do love him for what HE WAS. I do not however have any desire to rekindle old flames. But what was funny on the flip side was Joddie kept saying things like “You can buy me this ring when we get married at 40.” and “Rob, you know you have been in love with me forever.” Enough for Sam to point it out to me later on after she had gone. After dinner we went to Sam’s and sat for a while then went to see Tanner at work and get coffee at the bookstore until he was done. We then went back to Sam’s and talked about old times and just had a blast.

Sunday, March 02
Lucas’ birthday party was today. We all met up at the local Beaver Vu for some bowling and birthday fun. It was great to see L, Pook, Morgan, Ryan and Pat. I also saw a lot of kids from the center as well. I talked to Pat about Frank and I am going to go over on Thursday to have dinner.

Went home and crashed. I was going to have dinner with Chris and Myam but I was exhausted and napped for about 3 hours when I got home.

Monday, March 03, 2008
Had lunch with Dan Davis today. He called out of the blue and said he wanted to do lunch. Come to find out he recently had a DUI and has put himself through his own version of rehab. He quit everything on Feb. 15 and is doing really well. He is directing a radio show and wants me to possible step in for a role. I said if he needed I would do it but it would be my first acting anything in a long time. We will see. He gave me a nice compliment about my acting. He told me when he saw me in Ghetto he wad amazed at how I transformed into the character. He could hardly believe it was me. I was shocked! So it might be a nice thing to do.

I can't believe it is

2008-02-02T05:23:01Z

Monday, January 21
HAPPY Martin Luther King Day!
Day off! I slept in and chilled most of the day. Went window shopping and Pier One is having great sales. I got a light for work for $14 and a bunch of ornaments that were 90% off. I am going to hang them in my room at the center. Then went to Home Depot to get shelves to put in my class. It will be hot.

Tuesday, January 22
Started putting up my decorations in class today. It is so cool. I can’t wait for the room to be completely done. It has been a labor of love.

Wednesday, January 23
Today the boys to gang up on a girl who was only in my class for a couple of weeks. One of them threw her stuffed toy out side and she was upset. The boys wanted to go outside and I told them none of them would go until the person who did it apologized and admitted it. Needless to say we didn’t go outside. Then as I was leaving one of them wrote Fuck (girl’s name) in her cubby. I was livid.

Thursday, January 24
So given what happened yesterday when the kids arrived had them all sit at the table the minute they arrived. I told them every day we would have a class meeting and we would go over things such as tolerance, rules and regulations, and a variety of subjects about respect. Whatever I felt needed to be addressed and in turn they could ask questions and respond. The only rule is they have to sit and focus. Well a 10 minute meeting turned into 50 and I told them each day we would do the same thing and they had a choice for 10 minutes or all day. It would depend on them. I expressed how livid I was about what happened. How I never thought they would ever treat someone like that. I believed that each one of them was a good kid and apparently someone is making a bad choice. That opened up the discussion. Then I had them all stand on a line and shut their eyes. I would ask questions like “Have you ever been hurt by what someone has said to you?” and then asked them to step forward. The then could open their eyes and see that 99% of them had. Most of the questions they all stepped forward. Then to lighten up I asked “Who wants to be a superhero?” They laughed and the day went on without incident.

Friday, January 25
Day to of meeting and today’s topic was how we treat the Guinea Pig someone took him out when I went on break and when I returned he was missing. 10 minutes later we found him in a wooden box hiding. So the next time I feel that Guinea is neglected or mistreated he will go to a new room. They are learning now I am not playing games anymore.

Got home and headed to S’s. T is in Texas and the Ulrich’s headed over and we played some Guitar Hero. I called it an early night I was exhausted.

Saturday, January 26
Met S and Myam at Nora’s and after went to Amar for Indian. Then we headed back to S’s for some impromptu Yatzee.

Sunday, January 27, 2008
Called Myam and we took Cole to the dog park. It was cool kind of makes me want a dog but still don’t want the responsibility. Then went to get curtains at Pier One. They are half off and I need them for my bedroom. My bedroom is now a cave at night. I love it.

Tuesday – Thursday
I haven’t missed any work though for the past few days I should have. I have had a cough and cold for three days so I just sleep then work. The daily meetings are working I am seeing more respect for me and each other and they are starting to work more together. I have also reinstituted the observation forms to document behaviors good, bad and indifferent.

Oh and watch the debates. I am glad to say I have seen all the Democratic debates. I am going to watch Hillary’s town hall on Monday and then we will see if there are debates here in Ohio at the end of February

Friday, February 1
Feeling much better today and when I got home my W-2s were here. So after I talked to Myam for about 2 hours I have been working away and my taxes are done. Joddie is in this weekend so I plan on hooking up with her tomorrow night if she has time.

A Review

2008-01-06T20:55:56Z

Here are the top 10 things that happened to me in 2007.

10. Really… hits Saturday Nigth Live! After two years of it being a catch phrase of our little group here in Ohio. Then it being used in a book by my friend Stacey. It appeared on the mock news of SNL. Really with the copying, Really.

9. Dumbledore is gay! Yes on of the most beloved children's books of all time has a gay character. Progress anyone?

Honorable Mention: It happened in 2006 at Christmas but is so close I will count it

Then I went to L's and she and I sat around pulling our usual antics. She and I sat around and listened to music chatted and she told me she was gay! Not really she was actually thinking of Elton John and her inner monologue was "Wow how weird to be Elton John, to write his music and in the back of his mind think I'm gay!" But what came out was only "I'm gay!"

8. Joddie visits Ohio. It was really good to see Joddie and kind of realize how we have changed. London was a big test of our friendship and now we realize what that meant at the time to both of us. The visit was easy and natural. In 2008 I plan to visit her.

Joddie came to visit and it was great to see here. We went out to dinner and had drinks. She stayed the night and we caught up on everything. We made peace about London and really just had such a great visit. She was glad to see me happy and I her.

7. Halloween. I enjoyed making the costume. All very fun!

Halloween was a blast. The Saturday before Halloween I went with Myam to the Oregon District for the Boo and Brew. We got smashed on Spooky Martinis and walked around in costume. The day before on Tuesday I went trick or treating with Pook as Harry Potter. He was in character all night long. Some asked who I was and he would say "That's DUMBLEDORE!" and he was using his wand all night turning things in rats and rabbits. Then on we had the parade at the school. All the teachers dressed up and the kids got dressed and we walked down the main part of town. It was a blast.

6. See ya Mickey! I finally got out of the hell that is retail. I love the Disney Store but I hate retail and the manager. So I was so glad to be out!

Work has been sucking my will to live. I work all the time and have no benefit other than making money. So, I have to make that money.

5. Is this a date? I went on my first date in a long time in 07. Corey was his name and his ex was the game. After only one date he then had is ex coming around him again. Anyway it gave me confidence to know I wanted a little more.

He is so different from me. He is more on the conservative side. He played sports in high school. He is definitely a man's man. He has worked with Parks and Rec and has been a swim coach and he has been with the force for about 13 years. He was telling me about having to use force on this one guy because he had a rookie along with him and the rookie wasn't really taking charge of the situation. I have to admit kind of turned me on a little.

4. God bless the child. I got a job at the Children's Center and had a rocking summer! I love my job and it makes a difference.

Well big news. On my 38th B-day I will once again begin a new career. I will now become a teacher! Yes I am stepping down as Assistant Manager at the Disney Store to go teach the school age kids at the Yellow Springs Children's center.

3. Going to the chapel. Sam and Tanner got married and helping them and seeing all the old friends this year was a blast.

2. A long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.

1. Goodbye friend! One of the hardest things I still deal with from 07 is the fact I lost another good friend. I see his picture everyday at work and think of him. I will miss his laugh the most.

Chad is one person who I always kept a special place in my heart. Memories that I will never forget. The late night ride to KY to got to the gap outlet at 4am and sleeping in the car until they opened. My last night in Ohio before moving to Atlanta with Joddie and he. The weekend after I broke up with him in Cincy and so many other little moments. He was a huge part of my life and always will be.

The Funeral Blues.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let airplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
- W. H Auden

Social Eh?

2008-01-06T05:11:19Z

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Figures

2008-01-05T21:35:28Z

84% Chris Dodd
83% Mike Gravel
82% Hillary Clinton
82% Dennis Kucinich
81% Barack Obama
80% John Edwards
78% Joe Biden
68% Bill Richardson
45% Rudy Giuliani
29% John McCain
28% Ron Paul
26% Tom Tancredo
21% Mitt Romney
21% Mike Huckabee
11% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

I am going for Hillary but I do like Barack! Glad he got Iowa.

Christmas, New Years and lots of flicks.

2008-01-05T21:26:22Z

Sunday, December 16th
Myam and I went to see Fred Claus today in hopes to get us in the Christmas spirit. It was a funny movie. I liked it and it worked.

Monday, December 17th
Myam, Sam and I went to Marion's for pizza and beer. It was kind of nice and it was a school night. We never do things on a school night.

Tuesday, December 18th
More Christmas shopping.

Wednesday, December 19th
Sam, Myam and I went to see Wendy's baby tonight. He is only 5lbs and looks like a little old man.

Thursday, December 20th
Today was about shopping. I started in Yellow Springs because I love to Christmas shop there. It is so much more relaxing than the mall and you can find cool things there. Then I was off to the mall to get the things I couldn't in Yellow Springs.

Friday, December 21st
Tonight was the staff Christmas party. We went to Sharon's house for dinner and drinks. We had Mexican lasagna and margaritas. It was fun to hang out with everyone and there not be kids around. It was an early night after a long day.

Saturday, December 22nd
L and I had lunch today at the Fox and Hound.

Later on Sam and I went shopping and the headed to Angie's to see Kane. He is so cute and tiny. She is glad to have him home for the holiday. There was a chance he would have to stay in the NICU. He wasn't keeping a good body temperature and finally he was able to.

Myam and I went to see Sweeney Todd. I liked it. It is hard when a stage show gets transferred to the screen. I feel it looses something but I think Tim Burton was a great director for this one. I liked Depp as Sweeney but I was let down by Helena Bonham Carter. I don't know it is hard not to compare to Angela Lansbury.

Sunday, December 23rd
I got up and went to the grocery and to get last minute things for tonight. I came home and pretty much cooked. Sam, Tanner, Myam, Lorrie and Lucas all showed up just in time for dinner to be done and we had dinner and opened gifts.

Monday, December 24th Christmas Eve
I went to work this morning and had only one kid. There were only 7 total for the whole day. Marcia and I spent the morning cleaning out the storage closet. It was packed and that is a huge problem because that is my emergency shelter. So we got it to a place of order so I could actually fit my kids in it if something happened.

Ran home and showered and finished packing and headed to Kettering to head to Muncie with Frank Rita and Sam. Tanner came later with the dog's. We arrived and Carol and Rita set into Santa mode. It was to cute. We hung out and chatted and then headed to dinner at T's aunt Debbie's. Their house was beautiful and reminded me of my Aunt Clara's.

It made me miss my family a lot. I think next year I will plan to do something with dad. I realized I haven't spent a Christmas with my dad since 1993. That is sad a pathetic. I know a lot of it was work related when I was in retail. I couldn't get home. Then at the Goodman I just had been in the habit of not going or spending Christmas with friends, or weather. I do know I want to do something with him next Christmas.

Tuesday, December 25th Christmas Day!
Woke up and Santa had come! We opened gifts and stockings. Santa even brought me one all the way to Muncie. It was sweet. We all then sat around in our Christmas pajamas and watched Miracle on 34th Street and The Polar Express. Well watched and slept through the movies.

We soon discovered the Lucky had hoped the fence. A neighbor called and said they had found her so T went to get her but when he got her home she wiggled out of her collar and took off. We all went searching on foot (still in our X-mas pajamas) and then Sam and I got in the car and drove around for about 45 minutes when I spotted her. She hoped in the car and we got her home. T's dad made his traditional omelets for breakfast.

After breakfast I went to take a bath. They have a spa bath that is to die for. It was heavenly and incredibly relaxing.

Later on T's cousins Brooke and Brent showed up and we started drinking. They were a blast. Then we headed over to T's aunt Debbie's and played scrabble and they kept shooting at each other with these nerf guns. They just like to have fun where you see where Tanner gets it from. It was hilarious.

Wednesday, December 26th
Got up this morning and had breakfast and read the paper. T's dad showed us a project he is going to do with his kids at school. Sport Stacking (as it is called) is an individual and team sport where participants stack and unstack 12 specially designed plastic cups in pre-determined sequence. It was kind of fun and would be great for my kids.

We then packed up and drove back. Tanner had to go to work when we got back so Sam and I went to Target and then had lunch at Cracker Barrel where Myam met up with us after her therapy appointment. Then home to sleep for a bit and later Myam called to talk. She is really feeling the affects of Brian and we had a good talk about how life is changing and we all learning things about ourselves and those around us. How maybe the universe is giving us what we need so we can gain perspective.

Thursday, December 27th
Today I decided to get up and do a movie marathon. I first saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was cute and fluffy. Then I headed over to see I am Legend which was not so fluffy. It reminded me of the 28 days movies. I then did some shopping and bought this year's ornaments at Pier One. This year it is about glass birds and shoes. I don't know why those are the only ones I found anywhere I liked. Next stop to the grocery to get stuff to make ham salad out of the huge amount of left over ham I had. It turned out really good. Chilled at home the rest of the night.

Friday, December 28th
Called Myam to see what was up. I needed to go to Target and she asked if she could tag along. Afterwards we went back to her house and hung out all day. Just sat on the couch with the dogs.

Saturday, December 29th
Sam and Myam had a pedicure today and I went with them. Went to Panera to get a sandwich and it sucked so afterwards went back and got soup. I will stick to the soup from now on. I love the bread bowl. Then back to Sam's and we hung out for a bit and headed home.

Sunday, December 30th
Sam called and wanted to go to Jungle Jim's a Whole Foods/Trader Joe's type super market and then Myam called and said she and Midge were going to the boat to gamble. I picked the boat. $80 dollars the poorer I came home and chilled out for the rest of the evening.

Monday, December 31st New Year's Eve!
Today I took down the Christmas decorations and labeled each year's decoration and put them in their own bag. Since 2000 I have gone out and bought three ornaments that are similar and put them on the tree. I plan next year to ad to the labels where I lived that year and major events that happened in that year. So as I get older I can look back on them as I pull them out and put them on the tree.

Later on we met at my house and Myam and I started watching Steel Magnolias. S and T showed and we all headed to Don and Diane's for New Years. The expected people were there (Uhrichs, Wanzers, Lail/Fitzkees, Cupps and Don and Diane's friends and family). They had all the food in the garage and a huge fire goin on outside in the yard. The fire was really nice. I love them. I could sit by the fire forever. We drank some Madonna Spatlese that Sam got at Jungle Jim's. Everyone had to move inside because there was tornado like winds that kept blowing the fire around. Myam and I decided to leave before midnight. It was cold and we had been there for 2 hours already. We went back to my place and watched the rest of Steel Magnolias and cried in the New Year.

Tuesday, January 1st New Years Day!
Another movie and we saw Charlie Wilson's War this time. It was really good. I loved Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Tom Hanks was good. The movie was very poignant.

Wednesday, January 2nd
Back to work and I am feeling rather Zen. Today I had the kids all day. Came home tonight and took a nap. It was a long day but good.

Thursday, January 3rd
Sam's Birthday. I got a call from Tanner today. He wants to do Sam's dinner tonight as a surprise so we are all going to Sake later. The plan was for Friday but he wanted to surprise her. I met Myam and we ran around getting cards and last minute things due to the switch. We got there and it was a great turn out for her. The Uhrichs, Wanzers, Lail/Fitzkees, and Bubbles all showed. Sam was surprised and it was fun. Myam and I split pretty quickly because it was a school night.

Friday, January 4th
Work was good. I am still trying to get use to the schedule again. Came home and slept for about 2 hours. I think it is the weather and not drinking as much caffeine as I did over the holiday. I kind of let myself do what I wanted and drank a lot.

Saturday, January 5th
I went to sleep about 2am I then woke up at 4 am and then went to sleep at 6am. I have been waking up and then going back to sleep off and on and finally got up about 2 pm. I am off a little. Decided to finally post and later the plan is to see a movie. I think.

Happy Holidays

2004-12-28T09:00:07Z

Okay it's late but better late than never.

CHRISTMAS EVE: Spent most of my day watching Charlie's Angels First Season

Had a wonderful evening with S and L and L's to little ones. I must say it was a good dinner and glad to be with friends. I got a sewing machine from the gang which was great. S had to leave to go do things so L and I stayed to be Santa. We wrapped and arranged and it was all good. C (the little one from Canada) was really great. He really wants attention but doesn't command it. He is a good kid.

CHRISTMAS DAY: More Charlie's Angels First Season

L invited me over to play some more. It was really nice outside Mr. Grumpy and his evil dog. We played on while their boat sank.

SUNDAY: Yet more Charlie's Angels First Season

Talked with Joddie today. We are both having a "I miss London!" moment. She sounds bad. I am really worried about her. She is working at Starbuck's and Disney. GOD HELP! She really isn't happy and is thinking of going back to a 9 to 5. She is better suited for that. She doesn't deal well with the fly by the seat of your pants lifestyle. I will have to check up on her.

TODAY: Went into work for a few. I had to check some things like my schedule and I won't be able to go to Ohio next weekend. I have events. SUPRISE! I did manage to get out around 1 and had lunch with Patti and Katherine. I told P the plan was to go see Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events and she jumped out of her skin. She asked to go as well so I said sure. I decided to go shop Michigan Ave and find my after Christmas ornaments and found them at the Christmas store in the mall. I then wasted time shopping until 5 and headed to the theater. Patti soon joined me and we went in to see the film.

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
I enjoyed the film but many have hated it. I found it entertaining but I understand it isn't as dark as the books. Typical Hollywood. I must say I am over Jim Carrey in anything he does these days but I did like the film and need to read the books.

Then we headed off to grab a bite and as we were walking down Ohio we notice a large amount of water coming from a store. It seems a pipe or the sprinklers had gone off so we did the right thing and called fire department. We were there a few minutes and here they came. We started to walk away but we realized "Firemen!" They parked on the opposite side and I said "Do you think they know it's over here?" Patti said "They should." We then decided to split and crossed the street and noticed them going the wrong way. I got their attention and my GOD they were cute. No really. Hot firemen. I then noticed Patti was missing and waved her over to me. I led them to the store and they thanked me and I drooled for a while and we headed to Rock Bottom. Apparently our hormones were raging from the hot firemen cause all we did was look for hot guys. No I am home with what feels like an early hangover.

Must sleep now.

Questions!

2004-12-23T00:41:44Z

I see people are asking one another questions and I am going to take that a step further!

1. What is the one thing you admire about me?

2. What is the one thing you wish you could change about me?

3. What have you always wanted to know and were afraid to ask about me?

4. What one word would you use to describe me?

5. If you could hook me up with anyone who would it be and why?

6. Why are you my fiend (Oh I think I meant friend)?

Reality vs. Mythology

2004-12-21T23:22:55Z

SICK and TIRED:
WOW! I have been SICK...still! After celebrating with all the fabulous people for Suzanne's Birthday I at dinner became the proud parent of a snot monster! No not Lucas he was a dear. It's the thing that has taken residence in my head and refuses to leave. On occasion parts of him come hurling out of my orifices. I wish he would go but he seems to have taken on squatter's rights. Suzanne's birthday was okay. It had moments of it's to cold...my god the snow...Oh my shoe...where is the car...I just want food...No ATM! Yet was very delightful in the no matter how fucked up an evening can be I can still look at the insane clown posse and say I like em a lot. Warts and all. Then I spent all day Sunday combating my new tenant who had taken to pounding the back of my eyeballs all the while leaving the sink running so my nose was covered in slimy goodness.

WORK: SSDD

BJ: Looks good and I have been allowed to place one egg in my basket but I have left it only sitting there. I just can't let myself go there until I can.

REALITY V MYTHOLOGY: Between working and daydreaming I have had A SHIT LOAD on my mind. It goes back to what Red has said about my current employment. There was a time I was happy to get out of my current life in retail and move to theater again. Now I am faced in getting out of a top theater to go be a "self starter' in ways. To make it happen for others and myself. My question has become "Am I evolving or running?' I can tell you that I am doing both. I have said this before and I believe that I have hit the brick wall and have been stuck there like some Looney Tunes character. Now I know my romanticism of BJ has become of legend and song. Stacey has even said, "I miss the days of, this one time at Blue Jacket." It holds found memories of something that will never be recaptured. It's the past. This however is a new opportunity to create a new era for the next generation. This time I am a general not a private. I will still be blazing a trail but I get to do it from a new prospective. Funny! Here is how I have evolved in BJ

Second actor to the right
Principal actor
Department Head
Designer
Management (not yet but looking good)

Natural don't you think.

So back to the MvR bullshit. Each phase of my life I have created a place that now has become some sort of myth. What I have done and what many do is I have taken the grand experiences good and bad and I have eliminated the mundane. We each can create our own characters and apply them to some grand fiction that has become our past. Where is the reality? The present. The sitting at the desk typing in the data or taking the call or whatever it is. The reality is we are living in the moment until the next big thing happens and we can turn it into legend. Hoping we collect enough along the way to have made one great story. That our supporting cast was truly award winning and that we got our happy ending.

BACKTO BJ: I am looking at the task and hearing a lot of people very excited. For some reason I can't be yet. I just feel the weight of what has to be done and feel very focused on the task at hand. The line between "taking over" and getting the job done in a "collaborative" way is great. Each task great or small has to be strategically place in order to assure that we don't run into problems. The board has put the process a year behind schedule and the clear goal for this season (which by the time we are on board will be a third of the way done) has to have a realistic vision. Yes we will come in and start to make things happen but the real test of our power will be next year at this time.

#1 THIS IS GROUND ZERO - The wreckage has been removed and now we are sorting through the rubble to piece together anything we have left.
#2 BUILDING A FOUNDATION - Setting REALISTIC goals, developing a support system to become your strong foundation.
#3 START BUILDING - Taking each brick and laying it methodically one on top of the other.

The problem I see is that they have already booked the penthouse for a party in June and have no concept of what it takes to get the penthouse (the final piece of the property) built. Then you have to decorate and accessorize.

The mythology of what it could be is not the reality of what it will take to get us there. But when it is there it will be nothing like what they imagined.

And I'm spent!

YUCK!

2004-12-04T00:22:28Z

So the week has gone by. I can't believe that last week was Thanksgiving.

WORK:
Outside still being busy and Trixie and I getting along relatively well. I just don't' have the energy to care but I do have the drive to get it done.

HOME:
I love my Christmas tree. I have plugged it in every night. I am into Christmas this year. I don't know why but I am.

OTHER:
I was sick today! I was dreaming and in my dream I doubled over in pain and when I woke up (at 4am) my stomach was in terrible pain. I ran to the bathroom and I was there every hour on the hour. When it was time to go to work my I had a sore throat and I still had the runs. I decided to call in. I woke up at 2 and felt much better. I am no cooking a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato soup. Sick food.

Another opening....

2004-11-30T06:39:52Z

Sunday, November 28
A Christmas Carol opened tonight. It took every ounce of my energy to get motivated to go. Apparently Patti felt the same. She called me and left word that she didn't think she was coming. Stacey called and asked if I wanted a ride. Thank GOD! We headed of to the theater and she of course had to tell me all about her weekend and her escaped with Mr. Big. I was a captive audience. No really I thought about jumping but I like living.

We arrived and it was your usual for opening. We headed to Petterino's for the traditional opening night drink fest. Unfortunately our favorite barman Ed was not on so the drinks would not be on the house. However Roche pulled out his credit card and they were on him! There was also a treat in that Red was not there. It was the usual, Stacey Cindy, Roche and Steve and Suzanne (from devo) where the special guests. We chatted and at one point Suzanne started talking to Roche about how marketing and development had been strained in the past and why is it like that. That she had tried working with Kim (group sales) and it was difficult but they have worked it out. How she loved our new branding ideas and yadda, yadda. Cindy also caught the conversation and whispered "Are you catching this?" We both rolled our eyes and I thought "Oh how hard we are trying?' I am so over that. You know you do your job, you make it happen, stop the pontificating. Patti then showed up because Stacey shamed her into driving down and going to opening. The Great Street in the Renaissance hosted. I drank a lot but not to much. I wasn't drunk. I paced myself. It was an opening. Your usual fair. Only this time I didn't kill myself. I actually took some time just in case it was the last here.

MY THOUGHTS: I really love a lot of people I work with. It is the hardest thing about event thinking of leaving. Outside all the bullshit and Dementor like people I hate who suck all the happiness out of it. The group that is there makes me laugh. I have noticed how much we laugh lately and it is great. They have filled a void in work I thought only Kim could hold but they have made me want to be there at times it has been difficult. I love them. No matter what goes down they will be in my life much like those who I have become family in my Sinclair and Bluejacket worlds.

TODAY
Today was easy for the most part at work. I think all the reflection has liberated me in a way. I have also discovered some other things today.

DISCOVERY 1
L is in the place I was several weeks ago. I have moved on to the next phase of I want to see them succeed despite the idiocy. So, I am making every effort to help and not intrude. I am also looking to cover my ass should it go down. L needs to go though this and hopefully come out where I am. She has had contact with the "consultant" and things are happening still slowly but happening non the less. I want them to move on and make it happen. L is right in the fact that it can't go away. It just can't. It means to much. L wrote a great letter and was very receptive to my edits and sent it off in hopes that my Individual Campaign can go forward.

DISCOVERY 2
Judi my former "partner in crime" sent a mass email today regarding her trip to London. She is still teaching in The Emirate of Abu Dhabi. She is learning a lot and was talking of how she been on four different continents this year. It is what I admire most about her. She just does it. She has great fear but doesn't let it control her and she leaps. She is I believe turning 50 soon and she just does it. I want to leap. If not with this somewhere and some time soon. I don't know what it means but I am slowly discovering my ability to do and do on my own. Granted it was as small as concerts and a trip to Vegas but still I trying to not let fear control me.

DISCOVERY 3
I was thinking on conversations I was having last night regarding relationships. I know that for a fact I was burned and that is why I don't date. I also in the process of not dating let myself go and played it off as I don't care but I do. I don't' feel lonely. I don't feel a void yet I would like to feel I could go out if I wanted but I am not letting myself be interested because I am unhappy.

This year has been about a lot of self discovery. I am almost to the point of no return. A few more leaps of faith and I may be there.

In other news my phone has been disconnected but my DSL still works. There you go.

Turkey Day...

2004-11-28T07:34:22Z

Wednesday, November 24
Well so much for leaving work early today. I had 80 boxes of these stupid guides I had to get out of the dock, which made me behind schedule. I did get to leave when everyone else did at 3:00. Patti and I left and I went off to meet Lorrie. It was raining and snowing!

Lorrie and got to the house and then went to grab Lucas to go to the grocery etc. Lorrie took me by Reds to feed her cats and we then came back and we had our phone conference with Tim from BJ. I talked mostly. He seemed very impressed by my proposal and wants additional help. It felt great to have someone really respect that I have good ideas and say thank you.

THANKSGIVIND DAY
PARADE: I woke up at 4am to the sound of someone in the apartment above me. I actually got up and put on pants to check it out. I went upstairs and heard music. My neighbor is a musician so he keeps odd hours but I wanted to check. Came back and slept another hour and got up to go to the parade.

First stop was the White Hen since I left the snacks I bought yesterday with Lorrie. I got there and everyone showed up on time and we got ready. I headed to the parade early to register and then Kim and Sarah (the youth supervisor) met me there. When I arrived the carriage was there but they need him to go for another run in the parade, which was unit #1. We were stuck waiting because we were unit 56 until he was finished to come and get us. We tried to keep the kiddies warm by taking them in Starbucks. Our driver arrived and we then got in the carriage and headed down the route. It was FREEZING and the kids were pretty hyper. The boys at least. The girls were behaving. It was just too damn cold. I just kept thinking, "This could be the last time Rob just suck it up!"

We got back and I invited Kim to go have the traditional post parade bloody mary. We headed to the Renaissance and then the House of Blues but the bars were closed. You would think being a hotel they would be open. I called around and Smith and Wollensky were opening at noon. We decided to wait and sat and talked. I like Kim a lot. She is really great and she said some very nice things about me. She knows I may be leaving and she said she would miss me and that my absence would really be felt no only by her but by a lot of people. I was one of the only people there that make her feel welcome. Sad really. We headed over for drinks and I had a bloody mary but I then switched to Grey Goose vodka martinis. Kim had to catch a train to get to the airport and I had to get to Lorrie's. On our way to the train Sue called who was going to come get me at my house. I told her to go on and I was drunk. Yes drunk on Thanksgiving and it is only 1:30 in the daytime.

LORRIE'S: I made it to the Walgreen's they just built on the corner of Kimball and Fullerton when L called and said Sue was coming to get me. I went in to get soda and got Lucas and Josie a gift. They had the characters from Rudolph and kids should have something fun. It's the holidays. I got there and the food was set. It was great. The food was really good but I was beginning to feel the affects of the day. After dinner the gals played scrabble in the kitchen while the guys watched Star Wars and watched the kids. Then Jason and Jeanie left and Bill retreated to the video game while Sue and L talked writing while giving Lucas a bath. I powered napped and I needed because I was feeling sick. I got up refreshed and we all sat and had arts and crafts while watching Saved. What a great little film. We then discovered it was 11:00 and called it a night. A really lovely Thanksgiving.

Friday, November 26
I had errands to do today! It is my tradition to put up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. I needed a few things and went to Best Buy and got the new Harry Potter movie and then to CVS, The Art Store and Cost Plus. Then to Transitions where I got my Christmas cards. Then downtown to see the tree lighting. I came home cleaned out the closet and got all the decorations out and put up the tree and organized things. I watched the Day After Tomorrow and called it a night.

Saturday, November 27
I did some more running today. I went to Reds to check the cats again then to work to print my phone list for my Christmas cards. I then went to see:

The Incredibles
Fun but not the best Pixar film to date. I have to say the best part would be the costume designer. She cracked me up. I did laugh but not that impressed.

Alexander
This is truly and epic! 3 hours long was a bit much but a truly star studded cast. I must say Angelina didn't bother me. I usually hate her. Collin was lovely to look at and also very moving at moments. I loved that they didn't shy away from the gay thing. He and Jared Leto were great but it left me wanting more. I wasn't impressed but I wasn't expecting much either. It was worth seeing the pretty men!

Then home to order food and I have now all my Christmas cards signed and ready to go! I will knit some and watch Harry Potter then fall asleep. Tomorrow is another day at work. Opening of A Christmas Carol. Yeah!

What's it all about...

2004-11-12T06:40:12Z

Work is better! I have let go of the BJ anxiety and have moved on to refocus on my job. I must continue on, for nothing is guaranteed and you know what, I really have to think about it when it happens. I am actually thankful they have waited so long (ask me if I feel that way if and when I am in the job) and have made some closure to my angst. Before I delve into that I must say I had a good time last night with jodola. She invited me to Jacqueline Kennedy: The White House Years at the Field Museum. After work we headed out and ran a few errands for J but this put us behind schedule to arrive for our allotted time. So J drove like a mad woman even missing her turn and having to stop on the highway. As traffic went rushing by she decided to go over the curb and onto the exit. Thank God it was small. Once we arrived safely we exchanged tickets and went into the exhibit.

Jacqueline Kennedy: The White House Years
Selections from the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum
The collection of gowns was stunning. She most definitely had a style that was she own and was truly an interesting woman. Most of the dresses were solid in color and of a heavy fabric. I would say that only 5% of the dresses truly had any pattern. But it wasn't only about the dresses it was about what she contributed to the Presidency. Her ability to speak five languages and her gracious beauty and warm voice made her a brilliant ambassador. The restoration of the White House, her need to preserve not only our heritage but also that of other countries and cities. One letter she wrote to the Mayor of New York to save Grand Central Station as a plea for the people of New York and future generations was very interesting to me. Just how she wanted so desperately to save this landmark and how she used subtle manipulations.

It made me thing of how live versus life during that time. I mean just the contrast from my childhood to present day is astounding. The contrast of writing a letter and how instant our email of today is in comparison. How instantly we get and receive information. Also how her clothing was saved and how outfits today are so mass-produced and not tailored to the individual unless you have tons of money. How our meals are eaten in the car as opposed to a table with fine china. Hmm.... Then I began to wonder had JFK lived would she have become so iconic. Would she have just been a beautiful first lady? The woman suffered great tragedies and came back with grace. She is like a Medea or Antigone in American culture. It just made me think.

Then I began to think of value. What value do you place on things, people, yourself? What do you find of value? What do I personally value? How important is it? I believe greatly important. We are constantly hoping to get any form of validation from anywhere. Then in turn what do you value? I see people whose lives are all about the job or maybe all about the kids or their spouse. Those things can go away and then you're left with a void. The clothes that Jackie wore only have a value because someone else has placed a great deal of value on it. What have I discovered from this? I need to stop worrying what value others place on my life and actions. I have the right to prioritize my needs and desires. The price I set be it to high or low is mine to place. If this makes not sense what so ever then this moment was worthless to you and now you will never get that moment back. There you go.

FAMILY NIGHT
Tonight Lorrie invited Neil and I over for Caesar with the family. We sat around the table for most of the evening laughing and trying to plan Thanksgiving dinner. Lorrie has invited us over. I don't know if Neil will go. It really depends on what Frank and Pat are doing and if they invite him down. I'm sure they will. I will of course be returning to my role of Scrooge in the parade so will be around for Thanksgiving. Of course I don't get much of a Thanksgiving week or weekend because I also have opening that weekend. I also have two events so I won't even be home most of the time, I will be at work. My cats are gonna hate me that week. I thought about going to Vegas the following weekend and taking either Monday or Friday off because packages are cheap but we'll see. It was a bizarre but entertaining night. Now I am home and have a huge desire to not go to work but I must for there is a great deal to do still. Oh well, no rest for the wicked.

3 questions..

2004-11-11T22:53:54Z

You can ask me three questions. Any three, no matter how personal, private or random, I will answer them honestly. But, you must post this in your LJ to give your friends, including me, a chance to ask you 3 questions

Date night...

2004-11-07T08:08:08Z

Today was yet another date night with myself. This time dinner and a concert. I have taken to this concept this year. I have now seen more concerts in one year than I had in my lifetime. Here is the breakdown of my concert going history:

#1 - The Singing Cookes (Gospel Group) I saw them twice. Once at the Greene County Fairgrounds and the other at some concert hall in Dayton both in the early 80's.
#2 - Richard Marx, his very first tour ever and it was at Kings Island Timberwolf Amphitheater. 1987
#3 - George Michael, during his Faith days minus his better half of Wham! 1988
#4 - The Who, Quadrophenia with Billy Idol in 1997

NOW IN 2004
#5 - David Bowie, Reality. Saw this with Lorrie. Macy Gray opened
#6 - Cyndi Lauper, At Last. My very first solo date with myself
#7 - Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson, Independent This one with Patti, Kim and Jodi
#8 - Celine Dion, A New Day at Caesars Palace in Vegas. This was my solo vacation.
#9 - The Scissor Sisters with Suzanne and Jodi
#10 - Bette Midler, Kiss My Brass. This one was solo and today.

How gay is that collection of concerts!

The evening started by heading downtown. I went to Corner Bakery and had soup and salad. I wanted something light. Then as I was heading to the bus to go to the United Center and Joddie Lowe called me to touch base. She is still working at Starbucks and not sure what to do with her life. It was good to hear from her. The last time we spoke she had just hurled on the train. I am glad she made it home alive.

My seat was great, front row balcony. I was seated between a gay couple and an old Jewish couple. Then directly behind me were middle age women and mothers with daughters. INTERESTING. There was no opening act and we were looking at a stage that was a cartoon version of Coney Island and the curtain was a group of people frolicking on the Boardwalk.

BETTE MIDLER, Kiss my Brass Tour
The Divine Ms. M made her entrance on a carousel horse floating in the air and dressed in a nautical style paint suit. She opened with Kiss My Brass (the name of her new album) bursting with energy and keeping in line with her Harlettes showing that age hasn't got her.

She then breaks into her repartee, which was mostly political with such comments as, "Thank God I'm in a blue state!" and "What an elections is was truly a campaign in my ass!" She then looked at the front row and stated "My people, these are the ones who will lie, cheat and have sex with anyone to sit up front." "Now I have my Northshore people up hear is anyone from Highland Park?" to which there were a few cheers. "Boystown?" A large roar. "I'm shocked, I thought you would be on your way to Massachusetts to get married!" "Milwaukee are you hear I want to see the mullets."

She went back to her early days but not before collapsing to the floor yelling "The 70s the decade of avocado appliances." She sang the beautiful Skylark which she remembers being one of her first "You know George W came to see me do this song." "He got tickets from his cocaine dealer."

She made fun of herself with a film of her suing CBS for canceling her show Bette on Judge Judy. This gave her time for a costume change. She then is found guilty and asked to apologize to everyone that owns a TV. She then says, "When hell freezes over" The stage goes dark and she enters and sings in devil horns and tail I'm Sorry. She stops realizing she need not apologize and then pays tribute to the Jews and Queens who were the only ones who watched her show.

Other highlights, she also takes a dig at Britney with her version of the Britney Bunch. She does a tribute to Rosemary Clooney, brings down the house with and intense version of When a Man Loves a Woman. She ends the first act with a touching song Shiver Me Timbers where she rides back off on he horse.

Second act she pulled out all the Divine personas including Sophie Vaudeville style senior citizen and performs a series of jokes dressed in a muumuu. We also see the return of Delores the side show fish woman and her wheel chair ballet. This time she wants to take her show to Broadway. Taking on such shows as Chicago (her version All That Shad) and Phantom of the Opera where she comes out on a huge fishhook wearing a Phantom mask. A hilarious version of And I Am Telling You from Dreamgirls that made every gay man in the audience roar in delight. Then the finale of this segment her version of Hello Dolly, Hello Delores.

Other highlights, she sang a heartfelt duet of I Like To Be Told with Mr. Rogers that actually made me cry. A statement to what true family values are about. She also asked us to pull out that 20-year-old dubbie from our wallets for another original Do You Wanna Dance. On the softer side she performed I Think It's Gonna Rain, From a Distance which got an amazing response for it's still timely theme, and Wind Beneath my Wings.

She closed with her greatest hit of all time The Rose in which she asked the audience to help her. She assured us she is not retiring nor plans to which she joked about all throughout the concert. It was an amazing concert and really what I needed after a week of despair.

I had a wonderful time but I now have a headache and need to sleep.

Night, Night

I can't think anymore the past week is a blurr for the most part!

2004-11-05T22:45:46Z

Saturday, October 30
Today I spent the day carving my pumpkin, watching movies like Hocus Pocus and The Witches of Eastwick. I made popcorn balls and had a grand pre-Halloween day.

Sunday, October 31
HALLOWEEN: How much fun. I spent the day with L, Pook, Suzanne, and Neil. Trick or Treat was fun. It was a good day. We spent time away from the city with our friends in the burbs. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Tuesday November 2
ELECTION DAY: Well I voted and it was pretty uneventful. I was jolly to vote and felt good and even made up my own little voting song on my way to the train. I was filled with hope. Then I ran home to toss my stuff off and headed to he grocery to grab food for L's party. When I arrived she had gone nuts and pretty much purchased half of what I had. She went a little crazy. We did have some great food and Suzanne, Jill, Rachel and Neil soon arrived. We huddled together and watched in delight and then horror as the election results came in. Once it looked like things were at a stand still everyone went home. DAMN OHIO! I of course felt the need to watch at home. I did however take a break to watch Manhunt: The next top male model. I needed some beefcake and considering the fact I now can't get married in 11 states I needed a gay moment. So between beefcake and the election I got to bed around 4am.

Wednesday, November 3
THERE IS NO JOY IN MUDVILLE!

THE ELECTION: There is a dark cloud and it just feels bad! I must say I am not shocked and I do understand that our fellow Americans voted for that man even if they have their own if misguided reasons. The country will not got to hell over night. He has four years to continue his downward spiral of shame.

THE RELEGIOUS THING: I must say this is going to be a thorn for a lot of people. Already I have heard from colleagues, "I just don't get how this could be the deciding factor" I can. Even though some of the "Evangelical" voters may not agree with Bush %100 they will get out to vote against, well, MY WAY OF LIFE! They also will get out to protect all the unborn babies who can't choose. Now having grown up in a Southern Baptist church for 18 years of my life I understand how these issues are truly part of the agenda. Morality is the key to a Christian life. It is what makes you strong. Don't smoke, do drugs, curse, have sex out of marriage. Fear God, respect your parents, go to church, and do the hokie pokie and turn your self about. That's what it's all about! The same way we got out and voted they just simply got out more! (See my October 21 post). I tell you this is again is why I watch TLN and PTL. It wasn't terrorism, health care, and the economy they were warning Christian voters about. It was the supreme court, morality, abortion and gays they were preaching about.

THE GAY THING: Not surprising either. This is about validating a lifestyle that is selfish and sinful. I as a gay man should be able to give up my desires and with God's help live a pure life. This is the problem. They think it's about choice.

Example; I am at Charlie Trotter's and they are only serving fish. It comes to the table beautifully arranged on a bed of garlic mashed potatoes and side of asparagus in a white wine cream sauce. I can look at it and say 'my how beautiful' and respect the choice to serve this but I however don't eat fish. I have had fish once and I must say it was okay but it didn't satisfy me. Plus I had it out of a since of duty. I usually eat steak and everytime I do I feel complete. My mouth waters when I see a great big T-bone! Steak makes me happy, full, and it's what I feel comfortable with. It feels natural. Fish not so much.

The fact is many can't get past the sexual aspect of homosexuality. I have had a girl friend and when together, we kissed, made love (once, nothing against her but once was all I could do) and I gave it the college try. I loved her. She was GREAT, we got one another and we had a blast. Many looked at us as a golden couple. It just didn't feel NATURAL! I could have stayed with her and got married maybe even have kids. When she left for college and we split I wasn't sad my "girlfriend' was leaving I was sad my friend was leaving.

In contrast I meet a man in college most people thought was pretentious and I myself didn't like him that much. One night at a party he made his move. Every nerve in my body came alive. It didn't matter. Then our first kiss. I sat in my car to go home for 20 minutes reeling over the way his stubble felt and his lips and how he touched me. I did not have this same reaction to my "girlfriend". Then we got to know one another and I fell in love. When we did have sex for the first time, I went crazy! We started at 8pm and ended at 6am only because he had to go to work. It was amazing. We then split and the moment I discovered it was over I fell apart. I know what it is to have your heart break. My chest felt like I had split in two. Friends didn't know how to react to me. Until that moment I had only cried that hard at MY MOTHERS FUNERAL! This is what they don't get. That it can be actual love. Not only sex but real emotion. The complete package.

Then there is the term marriage and it being about a man and a woman. Let's set aside marriage and who it "belongs" to. Any of my straight friends can go to Vegas for the weekend and get married. They then have the right to buy a home and adopt a child if they can't conceive. They can get coverage for whomever has the better health plan, make a decision in a case God forbid something happens to the other in the hospital. Then should one die, live uncontested that their belongings stay and they live in their home with the children without fear of someone taking it away. They have rights I will not "automatically' have should I choose to live my life with someone and be "married". I am not asking for anyone to accept my lifestyle I am asking you to respect I should have the same rights as you under the law. GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! I'm not asking to fuck you or if your female your husband! I'm not trying to turn your child gay or tell them it's okay. (Well not unless they come ask me) That is your job. Now if your 21 year old son takes a shining to me and is a hottie. I'm not going to say no but again not my fault!

Then it makes me sad. That parents can turn their back on a child. That friends can turn away because of a simple thing as one person need to love another. That to me is truly unchristian like behavior. That instead of embracing someone for who they are you choose to sit in judgement of their lifestyle. Last time I checked that was God's job. Your job was to lead a Christ-like life.

That's all. I'm done. I got nothing!

Keeping busy and now I can get....

2004-10-28T19:36:53Z

Friday, October 22
Stacey dropped me off at the art store and I met Lorrie there. She wanted to get supplies for the Pook and some cards for Christmas. I got there early and made the rounds. I looked at all the paints and sketchbooks. I remember when art was a part of my daily life. All my paints and brushes have been replaced with craft paint and my sketchbooks MIA. I miss it. Part of it is I don't have a space for it. I would like to have a workshop or place I can leave an easel up and paints out. SIGH

L arrived and we got the things she needed. She then suggested we go have dinner. She recommended Piece on North Ave. There was a wait so we sat at the bar and ordered drinks. I got stout and she pale ale. L found it odd. I never order dark beer. I don't like it. It however sounded interesting and I tried it and liked it. I don't know maybe I am trying to force myself out of my comfort zone. Dinner was great and it was nice for L and I to sit and talk alone. Neither one of us were distracted. Not that Pook is a distraction yet it was nice to be separate from him for one night. This is the first time in a LONG time we have actually done this. We then went to Coldstone and had ice cream before heading home.

Saturday, October 21
I spent the morning cleaning a bit before heading to L's to watch the Pook. L and Bill were heading off to celebrate their anniversary by going to Naha and a movie. Pook was not his usual weepy self when they left. He actually said goodbye to both of them and went on his merry way. No theatrics. I was doing laundry and getting dinner ready while he played and watched tubbies. On occasion I would get, "Robbie wacha ya doin?". I replied "I am cleaning Lucas!". Lucas, "Okay!". He would also come into the room and we would repeat this exchange. We were having pizza for dinner and I placed the frozen pizza on a sheet and he came in "Whaz dat?" he would ask. "Pizza". He then decided to take an olive and responded "Cold". I told him it needed to cook and we would eat in about 20 minutes. He would leave a come check on the status. "Hot?" he would ask. "Not yet, give it about 10 minutes." "Ten minutes, okay!" Trotting back to what he was doing. Once dinner was done we had arts and crafts. I taught him different painting techniques and how to mix color. Also to clean his brush or get a new one as not to muddy up his colors. It was moderately successful. Then we watched more Boohbah and he would dance for me. Bedtime was 8:30 and we had no fuss. I then could watch Van Hesling on dvd. All was peaceful.

Sunday, October 22
We went to the park today. L asked me to take photos of Pook at the playground. We got some lovely shots. It is always fun. Lucas would have me help him up the big slide and on the way down he would high five me. We played and then went to the wool store. I got some stuff on sale to make a scarf. L got enough to make Pook a coat. Then to lunch at Uncle Julio's and to the grocery for me. Then home to take out my air conditioner and clean more. I spent the evening balling up my wool and having the Mousey play. It was a cuddly night and peaceful!

Monday, October 23
I HATE some of the people I work with. I really wanted to go and give notice. I just hate their ass faces. I know I shouldn't let them get to me but I do. It is mostly how they talk down to, or try to dumb down things like you're a two-year-old. I can't do things right when it comes to them and oh well! I have to let it go! Just do my job.

Opening night was at we tonight. We opened Hughie with Brian Dennehy. It was at Ristorante We which is part of the W hotel. The restaurant needed to stay open so we had in the lobby. Some of the cast of Finishing was there. Stephen Lang, Harris Yullin, and Frances Fisher all showed up. They were in the VIP area with Brian and Joe Grifasi. I got a lot of compliments as opposed to earlier today where I was an idiot. I stayed and Patti and I had a drink. She then bailed on me to go talk to Joe and some interns but it was okay. I sat in a hip hotel in the VIP section drinking my white wine and reflecting on my day.

Tuesday, October 24
I get a call from L today first thing. Apparently the board prez is annoyed with the process and realizes they are so far behind. He also really wants L to come and be a part of this because he knows that they won't find anyone who loves it like she does. He also talked to some other board members concerning me. That if she were hired she would be able to hire whom ever she wants immediately. That of course would be me. Great right? Well almost, you see I know this is the process and I hope they do get there asses in gear but by the time this happens (if it happens) the process IS so far behind.

I went into Red' office to complain about yesterday and I basically told her I was pissed. That if I am going to held accountable to their standards now that a fight is going to happen. I'm done! I know my basic weaknesses. I have issues with some of my follow through because I assume too much. I go on to the next project and don't go back to check up and have been making great strides in improving that. People perceive me as still the party boy or side kick to Judi. I have great anxiety about not getting credit for my knowledge, strength and commitment. One of my strengths is I am a great team member but I am not a self-promoter. That then comes back to bite me in the ass. That I am laid back and have a different work ethic than some but that isn't bad it's just different. I refuse to kill myself and sacrifice my health or personal life. She responded by saying your right and I also believe you are the only one in this department that gets the big picture. You have made great improvement. So should we consider this your review? Here is how much money you make now.

Wednesday, October 27
LUNAR ECLIPSE: Around 9pm I decided to go collect leaves and take a long walk under the blood moon. It was really lovely. I listened to my tunes and walked amongst the trees. I then came home and light a candle wrote in my journal and cast. I then went back out and stared at the moon and talked with Patti who had called earlier.

Blah Blah

2004-10-21T06:46:23Z

WORK: I have been REALLY focused at work. I have discovered how much I have to do and I have do it no matter what. Red is leaving and well it is a new world order with Trixie leading the battle and our GM helping. It has put things in a weird place and with the Ohio stuff looming I had to let that go. I can't sit around and wait I have to continue what I am doing because if I don't I will screw myself. I then only want to come home and chill out. I haven't wanted to much of anything else. I know it will be better once we get past Opening next week and then secure ACC but as for now FOCUS! Red really is gone. She arrives at 2pm and leaves by 6pm. She has stopped coming to meetings and just doesn't care.

POLITICS: As you may now I watch the Christian news channels on occasion to see what they are saying. I am believe you should check in with the rest of the world every now and again. I should have been watching more and may for the next couple of weeks. Topic tonight, the vote in Pennsylvania. Last election only 5 Christian activists went out to campaign for Bush and this year try 100. They are everywhere, calling, going door to door, developing bullet point pamphlets and even creating DVD's to show in churches. They even are keeping track of the registered Republicans and are set up to call ALL of them if they haven't hit the polls by a certain time and ask "Why haven't you voted yet."

They have shown how the other "religions" (the only example being pagan) have banned together to pray and cast over Halloween through election for Kerry. Don't get me started!

The hot button issue for them is the Supreme Court Judges. Yes the also look at this as the most important election and mostly for that fact. This is vital to the agenda and morality of the country. Even stating partial birth abortions, Roe v Wade and "under God" being eliminated from the pledge as key points. (I was shocked that gays didn't get mentioned) They are even offering a book called Courting Disaster which outlines these issues as a pledge gift. It is the one thing I give them. They sure are organized.

PERSONAL: I am really tired. I hope it is just my body getting use to the weather but I am unmotivated. I know it is mostly work (see above) but really!

I have had a creative bug. I want to do more research on Ethel Waters. A black female artist of the 30s. I think there is a story that could be based on her life (I really think a musical but like I could write one of those) I also have renewed interest in one of my original concepts for a thriller. I originally had a gay man who kept having dreams of men being killed and then they would really happen. I went through the killer being his boyfriend, a detective on the case and even a student stalker but I have come up with a twist that I LOVE. Now I just have to write it.

Now time for bed.

Busy

2004-10-19T03:05:31Z

Friday, October 16
Lorrie picked me up and we headed of to errand land. The goal was to get them done and head to L's to meet N for dinner and a movie. Well brie bread and Fahrenheit 9/11 were on the bill. I must say that the movie didn't make me angry. I knew most of it. I just strengthened my resolve. The hardest part was watching the people of Iraq.

Saturday, October 17
Up early and of to the mall with L and Lucas to meet Suzanne. The goal was to collect free Aveda product and do some shopping. I must say even though Lucas had another idea (one that including finally becoming a typical two year old) and having to pass him around. It was very nice to shop a mall with the gals. Yes I said it was nice to be at a mall. After all it has been 6 years since I worked one. Then back to the house to make soup and cookies. N joined us and watched L and I in our madness. Lucas got up to help decorate cookies and then Aladdin.

Sunday, October 18
NOTHING DAY! I slept until 2:00 and then sat in my comfy clothes in my big comfy blue chair and watched movies. NOTHING. It was great!

Monday, October 19
I was really focused at work. I have to get into a mode and keep it up. I have so much work to do and my scattered past two weeks has put me behind. I have to get back into the grove. As I was riding home tonight I was sitting when a woman who was overweight and had a walker got on. I immediately stood up and let her sit. People almost looked annoyed. I didn't understand. I just did it instinctually and then she thanked me when she sat down. It was strange.